Breaking My Back to be Normal - 2007 to 2018

September and October, 2014

In 2004, I started seeing a chiropractor for back pain. I had a very physical job that required lifting, moving, stacking, and setting up large objects – stage equipment, tables, sand bags, trailers, fencing, tents, signs, chairs, etc. It also required lots of endurance such as working 16 to 19 hour days on occasion, while walking, standing and lifting all day during an event. Then there were other days where I sat for close to 8 to 10 hours at a desk. Although, I don’t remember, I was told I said to my Chiropractor on one of my visits that “I heard a ‘pop’ and felt pain” while at work, apparently pulling equipment out. I would go on to see the chiropractor as needed, I continued to work and workout regularly, with the occasional “flare up” and then I would rest. I would go through the “normal routine” of my recovery – Ice, rest, soak in a bath, go to chiropractor, use IcyHot patches and creams, meds, etc. This went on till September of 2007. I was still working full time, had been training for an upcoming 5K, had some aches and was notably “taking it easy”. I was at work attending a casual meeting when I decided to sit on the floor, a co-worker offered her heating pack and I laid back on it. When the meeting concluded, I could not get off the floor. I could not figure out what was wrong, but there was no angle, position or comfortable way to get up without excruciating pain. It was pain in my left leg that rendered it almost useless, I could not use, put weight on it or bend it. When they did get me up, I could not walk. Co-workers got me a walker to use from the center and I used that to get to a car. They took me to a chiropractor and he ordered imaging, and referred me to a doctor that could administer medication. I remember my husband coming to pick me up, and feeling so helpless.

The imaging would show a herniated disk at the L4/L5 and I was referred to a surgeon. Refusing to have surgery they offered an epidural, followed by physical therapy and rest. Luckily it worked. I felt better, had a baby in 2009 and would not have any issues till Jan 2012. I was standing in the bathroom at my mom's house doing my hair to go out. I started to feel a throbbing pain and intense pressure in my calf of my left leg. At first since it felt like a bad cramp, I tried to "stretch" it out by stepping back but that did not help or feel good, so I stopped, immediately took medications and then laid down with my legs up. It only continued to increase. I closed my eyes in pain at one point and didn't open them till I got to the hospital. I honestly didn't register that it was my back, it was ALL leg, I thought it was aneurysm in my calf. I thought at one point, from the feeling of pressure that my leg was going to explode. I couldn't walk, I told my husband to call 911. I was then taken by ambulance to the hospital. I remember asking the EMT's if I would walk again or be able to use that leg. I am sure they were confused but even after the medication I took (a pain and muscle relaxer) and the medication they gave me, I still did not feel any relief. At the hospital I remember asking for an ice pack for my leg because it still hurt and felt swollen. After a review of my medical history and some imaging, they told me it was coming from my back, it was still hard to believe.     

I returned to to my surgical doctors had more imaging done and tried the epidural again. This time there was a very brief relief, so I was given 2 more epidurals - when allowed (timing) and given the max amount during an 18 month period. I was also given narcotic medications, steroids, pain patches, physical therapy and exercises to do. When that did not work over the next year, I took more imagining (below) and decided I would have to consider surgery.   

My image from 2014.

So, I had a disectomy in Feb. 2014 to remove that large herniation at the L4/L5. I planned on three weeks to six week off and only took 2 ½ with going back to work part time for a week and a ½. I remember it being a lot more painful than I thought it would be for a whole lot longer than I was told it would. The next day, initially I felt better. Then the next day I felt a little worse and day four was worse than day before. I saw the doctor, he told me I had a major injury and my body would need time to recuperate and heal. That the fatigue I felt was normal and that some people take longer than others. I thought, I am not “some people” or “other people”. I am usually the exception. I recuperate quickly, I do well in surgery, I don’t get infections, I don’t have complications, I am a very positive person who wants to be normal and healthy. This was making me feel out of control, a little helpless and less optimistic. When I did return to work, it was difficult to sit for long periods, hence the half days. After 4 hours the pain while sitting at a desk; was making me irritable and I could not wait to get home to take some medication and lay down on some ice. Even the 45 min drive home had me squirming in pain as I tried in vain to change positions. I would literally open the door to the car before the keys came out, trying to get out. Then by the second week, I felt a different kind of pain, a throbbing, intense swelling that was preventing me from sitting or sleeping very well. I went back to the doctor thinking it had re-herniated the disk. The doctor confirmed it was not herniated but that I had a swollen tailbone from the surgery. 

This is healing scar from the surgery, approximately 4 days later. 

This is from my journal:

"To this day, in September 10, 2014, and seven months later, I still don’t feel completely better. I have not and don’t feel I can return to my normal activates. Even though the doctor suggested going back to “normal activities”, I can’t. I don’t have the strength. I still very weak and “injured” somehow. I have not attempted to go back to working out, running, or even walking the dogs. Obviously, I was better than the day I had excruciating pain and couldn't get off the floor, but I was defiantly not all better. Not the way I had expected and not the way the doctors, websites and brochures promised. I am not only physically exhausted from aches and pains, from feeling limited but I am mentally exhausted and emotional from frustration."

Then just a couple weeks later in November 2014, less than a year later, as we were moving houses my L4/L5 herniated again. Again it was not an injury per se, not a specific incident but a gradual and consistently growing pain that came on and I just knew. I returned the doctor and after imaging confirmed a herniation, their suggestion was to do the surgery (a discsectomy) again. He said the imaging showed it not only herniated but it was worse than the first time. It protruded out further as well as out to each side, causing significant narrowing of the spinal canal as pressure on surrounding on nerves. His reasoning for another discsectomy was my young age and the “three strikes and your out” (meaning if it herniates 3 times, THEN he would suggest a different more invasive and dramatic surgery called a disc removal). I got a second opinion and that doctor agreed with my original surgeon, so I stayed with my doctor and scheduled another surgery. My second surgery was done in Dec of 2015.

Going to the doctor, the chiropractor and the physical therapy almost became a part time job. It felt like all my spare time was going to scheduling and attending doctor appointments. Then down time was spent resting if I could. I eventually stopped working because sitting for 6 to 8 hours was not helping and caused more pain. As well I was unable to lift, push or pull the "min required 50lbs +" on occasion.

Here are the photos from the second surgery. Basically Day 1, 2 and 3. It seemed to be a little more irritated this time. My skin had an allergic reaction to the adhesive they used. You can see in the 3rd photo there are actually welts where the "tape" was. The skin bubbled, swelled and was red until I removed it. I bought different kinds the store to put back on it and "secure" it. But in the following pictures from days 7, 12 and 14; you can see the skin was still bubbling and pealing from irritation. At that time I was able to take all adhesive off of the incision and it began to heal properly.

1/19/16 Journal:

"Sometimes I am surprised by my physical limitations. I clearly haven’t set any in my mind yet, because I think I’m going to get something done or I begin a project and I am not able to finish. I defiantly set out with the intentions of completely a lot and then, I’m disappointed when I literally have to lie down for relief or from exhaustion. And not exhausted from exerting myself, but exhausted from pain. I simply "live with it" most of the time and only take stronger medications when I literally can't stand it anymore. For instance today, I thought I would unload the dishwasher and load it again. As I got towards the middle of unloading, I realize there is significant reaching and bending involved, but I started to feel pain and stiffness in my lower back. I remember being able to dance on a dance floor for hours at a time, bending, twisting, shimmying, jumping and not feel it till the alarm went off the next morning. I feel defeated when I take my kids to the zoo and walk until I can't anymore, then feel bad that we have to leave abruptly. I used to be able to easily go to the zoo and push a stroller or stand for hours at events, and now I can barely do rigorous house work."

I am glad I keep a journal because like more things, we forget small details or over time the details fade or lessen. Or in this case how much time has gone by. In my mind sometimes, my back injury seems "new", and others it seems like I have always had it. But then when I look back through journals and look at dates and how I was feeling, I see that it hasn't been that long - or in the later case, I realize it's been going on for years!

So the journey continues. Almost years later, while I was able to still complete most tasks, I briefly returned to running and exercise, I still had complications or "flare ups" that are debilitating. I did get pregnant again in 2017 and pregnancy - this time was increasingly difficult on my back. Unlike the first two, I had really bad pregnancy sciatic, trouble sleeping, leg pain, varicose veins, back pain and back labor. Different from my on going back pain, this was very much due to weight and the baby. I tried very hard and did really well, not to gain too much - only 17 lbs, but it was still very difficult. The last two months were the worst. I honestly thought I was going to have to have back surgery again. I wasn't sleeping at all, I couldn't bend over, get out of the tub, get dressed, walk very far or get any relief. But luckily, the pain went away after I gave birth. I had another natural birth and there were no complications because of my back. I lost my baby weight almost right away, and all of the 17lbs by 4 weeks. It has now been months and I am still doing OK. I can sleep at night, the varicose veins have almost gone away. There are still times I feel some weakness or "strains" but I no longer think I will need another surgery any time soon! Fingers crossed!!