Being Adopted - Poems by Kathy Worrell

These are poems that have taken me years to write; one because I hadn't quite figured out what "being adopted" meant to me (as it is an ongoing discovery for me) and two because they were a bit difficult to write all in one sitting. In order to convey the feelings - I actually had to be feeling the feelings; confusion, wonder, curiosity, love, anger, sadness, loss, gain, pity, strength, just about every emotion comes to mind when I think about being adopted; other adoption stories and that of parents trying to adopt, or the decision some make to put their child up for adoption. And usually not all at once do you feel the same things, so it is process. I have random days where something or someone will trigger a thought process or idea that I follow up on and it will in turn make certain emotions come to the surface. And of course the birth of my own daughter brought up thoughts and I think allowed me to come full circle and finish the poems I had started. For those of you who don't know me, I was 22 months old when I was left at a day care center (that I guess takes in and places children) by my biologically mother, who had left my biological father and apparently did not tell him what she was doing. I don't know the full story other than, instead of a group home, I was placed in the loving hands of my adoptive parents, who were foster parents.

However emotional they seem, they do not reflect my typical...whats the word..."appreciation" or "gratitude" I have for the process of adoption, or the love I have for my adopted family. Who, incidentally, don't even think of me as being adopted - I hardly acknowledge it. In fact, I don't want anyone to think that I am unhappy, harvesting these emotions on a daily basis or anything, or actively seeking my biologically family because of what is said in the poems. I am actually very happy things happened the way they did, I am grateful for my family and all the love they give me all the time. As well, as I should note that on more than one occasion - I have counted my lucky stars that I was adopted so soon, and realize how close I came to different life. Either way, these are the feeling or thoughts I have had concerning MY adoption, and I am sure I am not the only one to experience them. Enjoy!

Being Adopted

Poems

By

Kathy Worrell

My First Person:

The first person to know I exist

Probably wondered if I should

Confused about who we were

Not knowing if she could



The first person to love me

Was by far, not be the last

Still she had created me

Forever, a part of my past



There from the beginning

How much of me did she know?

She must have thought it better

For me, to be raised in a different home



The first person I ever knew

But will never know again

Though she means not anything

I wonder who she would have been



The Truth About That Day:

Although I feel complete

So many things have blessed me

I think I need the whole truth

To please my curiosity



What’s a mother without her child?

And how did she come to that

She must have tried to make it work

Though scared to go on without my dad



Maybe she gave it all she had

But in the end was not enough

It’s hard to tell if she did what she did

For me or for herself



One day she left me to strangers

At a daycare near by

Ironically named a Haven

Eventually, the only child left inside



Confused at closing time

As day turned into night

Did I know what was going on?

Could I read it in their eyes?



Maybe she told me ahead of time

This would be our last drive

Waiting, waiting, waiting

So, did she say goodbye?



I now belonged to a whole state

At the tender age of two

Where would I go for the night

What to do, what to do?



Too young to help myself

Luckily the Haven knew what to do

Had they scene others like me?

Others who were abandoned too



What did she tell herself?

When night grew near

Did she wonder who would tuck me in

Or did she even care



I think a heart will tear a little

When it’s confused this way

I think we've both been broken

Especially that day



What about my favorite toys

That lay around the house

Did she hold on to something?

Or did she have to throw it all out



What did she tells others

There must be another who knew

When your child become just a memory

Does it change your heart too



I don't remember a thing

I know I'm better off that way

But I do have questions

About what happened that day



A MOTHER to the rescue:

Luckily swift and caring action

Of the system at work

Would place me in the loving hands

On the day of this woman’s birth



Always a mother at heart

Though none of her own

She'd someday be the part

Taking this baby into her home



A mother to the rescue

Love at first sight

And always meant to be

She would rescue me that night



A birthday wish come true

And a blessing from above

No matter how is happens

God blesses us with love